Haven't watched it yet myself, Layla. Probably for very similar reasons to yourself. I have three teenage sons and they sound like your boy. I just try to love them and to be by their sides. To cheerlead and tell them all the good I see in them. I might watch it. I might not. Haven't decided yet. It's no joke raising kids in these times, but I want to trust my children to make wise decisions for themselves too.
Yes Kelly, I so agree about raising them well and cheerleading them and then ultimately having to trust them, not cosset them and control them, whilst also appropriately protecting them. A tightrope we are walking g, but it does just keep coming back to loving them loving them making ourselves available, offering our presence. @cloverstroud’s recent piece on this was just so helpful too
oh Layla, thank you so much for sharing this piece. I have just finished reading Intermezzo and was blown away by Rooney’s ability to write such complex male characters (sobbed like a baby at the end). I also haven’t been able to gear myself to watch Adolescence yet, but I also plan to at some point! I feel the same, slightly frozen in fear, when there’s so much we cannot control (which school our kids end up at, the friendship group they will have, whether they will be bullied or not and so on). But comforted by the idea as Annie shared above of calming the fear a little and engaging with the child in front of us, and trusting that what we have done is enough.
I was very moved by you sharing your dreams. “The quiet power this form of masculine energy held. The majesty of it in my son. And the support I felt from it.” I am fascinated by the healthy masculine and feminine within each of us, how they’re expressed and how we all need both to build a whole. It’s heartbreaking there is such a cost to boys and men showing vulnerability.
A beautiful, thoughtful piece ❤️ I haven't watched the series yet, and feel some trepidation as I know it will break my heart.... I think you're right though, we need a balanced perspective - what to move towards as well as what to move away from. Thank you.
I love this piece. I watched it alone, my husband hasn’t yet. My boys are younger so it didn’t feel so close to home but made me think about social media/screen-use as they get older. I think your approach - to be with your son, connecting, before watching - is really beautiful. Turn away from the hype and towards the child x
I watched it after my 16 year old had watched it on his own. He was really moved by it, and I was horrified!! We then sat and had multiple long talks about misogyny and what he sees on the web, and how he understood various aspects of the programme. My son has always had female friends and has a sister and so he has a healthy relationship with girls. There are boys at his school who are a bit more confused and immature about girls, but they’re generally not his friends. When my daughter watched it - she’s 18 - she was angry. She said because she knows boys who are misogynistic, which upsets me. But I am glad that I have helped nurture critical thinking in my kids, and I think that’s the best education we can give them in this day and age. It sounds like you are doing all the right things with your son. I do regularly say to my kids, ‘the internet is not your friend’ which kind of encapsulates it for me.
thanks for all of this Lily - I think the relationship with sisters and friends who are girls is so valuable (seeing them as real people, not an enermy), as is a nurturing of critical thinking like you say. what I'm hearing from so many is that watching the series is opening up conversations that mightn't have been had otherwise, and that can only be a good thing. I know of girls around your daughter's age who have expressed the same re some boys she knows, which is so upsetting, but I guess we just need to keep talking with our kids and hope we give them enough to navigate through - as my ten year old daughter said to me about seeing this stuff online (she hasn't yet, I was just talking to her and her brother re) - 'yes mama but there's a difference between seeing something and believing it' and that's what I'm hoping for, nurturing that discernment.
What a thoughtful response to this most talked about TV series. You've put your finger on a key point - the fear that parents are responding to the programme, the panic almost. I hear some responding wisely, not to panic, to use this as a place to start conversations, to become educated, and I fully agree. I watched it out of intrigue after hearing how it was made, and also out of a place of a growing and real concern for boys (and men) who are struggling with shame and knowing their place in response to what they perceive as unfair negative labelling of them (along the lines of what Caitlin Moran says in her book which I love btw). My son (who is now 18 and one of those types of boys you refer to in those books) would complain that the assemblies in his all boys school seemed to be constantly telling them how bad they were (that was his interpretation aged 15-16).
From the sounds of it, you are doing all the right things, particularly if you give him space to talk to you or your husband if and when he needs to. The big thing that is coming out of this here is the importance of parents being available for their sons when they need them (and not being on OUR phones so much) and of finding a group they can belong to, a safe group that is IRL e.g. sports teams or youth groups. The demise of youth groups in the UK is a real issue here and one that successive governments won't listen to all the calls for funding for.
My son wasn't a talker (few are) but my husband would make time once a month to take him for a dog walk and to ask questions to check in on him (things like his exposure to porn). It would be a safe space, away from home, without having to have eye contact. So important.
Lastly have you watched Gareth Southgate's lecture on BBC iplayer? That is really worth watching.
Thank you for reminding people to respond out of love, not fear. And to hold onto that. So important.
I love how you talk of your son walking with his dad every month - my husband has started doing similar with my son, and it is so so important to have these safe, pressure free spaces to both talk and also to witness other forms of masculinity and communication. You're so right about the lack of IRL opportunities as being a big part of things - I'm sad to hear of the demise of youth groups in UK. GAA (sport) communities here play a big role for young men (my son isn't in to it) which is good, he goes to a youth group which is proving invaluable as he grows more into teenage years.
I do feel it all comes back to love - showing them they are valued and have an important place. Because they so so do.
(loved Caitlin Moran's book, and Gareth Southgate's lecture was incredible, yes. these are the glimmers.)
That is so good that your husband is doing that. It requires intentionality doesn’t it, or it can simply not happen.
And yes it absolutely does boil down to love but for many men they don’t know how to show that, as in the case of the dad played by Stephen Graham, who also wasn’t around in the evenings and had his own baggage that he didn’t know how to process.
Football and rugby clubs are big here but there are v few youth groups. It’s boys who come from dysfunctional homes who aren’t into football (or can’t afford the kit) that need those the most….
Oh Layla there is such profound wisdom in this post! Thank you so much for articulating all of this here. I watched the series a couple of weeks back and it definitely sparked with my anxiety at the time. Part of this was cyclical - I hope to become a bit more mindful of what I choose to watch/engage with during my premenstrual phase. It took me into a weird true crime spiral with my Netflix viewing - a kind of a morbid fascination with what absolutely unfathomable things go on in our world. This led - or contributed - to some pretty sleepless nights! I think you have done really well to wait to watch the show, and to choose to reflect on and process everything that the idea of it was bringing up for you and your sense of the masculine 💜
Another thought - you may have read that each episode is one single camera shot. There is something intentionally intense about this. It makes it relentless - like real life, it doesn't stop. It also meant for me that as an episode would go on I'd realise that probably I wasn't going to see what I wanted to see, or get certain resolutions that I hoped for. And I found this fascinating, and very challenging at times!!
that's such an interesting observation about not getting to see all you want to see and the lack of resolution.... I am really interested to see how they made the series, outside of the content, but also how one informs the other so powerfully by all accounts. I've gained such calm and learnt soo much from reading the comments on this post, I feel I'm going to be going in to viewing when I do from a very different place. I hope you're sleep has returned, there's nothing worse that those wild sleepless nights. x
Awh I'm so glad to hear that Layla - such a good example of taking a beat, and reaching out to our support systems and community before engaging with something that has potential to shake us 💜 And thank you, yes the sleep is somewhat back to normal (whatever normal is with a two and a half year old!! 😆) xx
I watched it. One of the best dramas I have ever seen. Largely because it wasn’t “dramatised”. It felt so utterly real. It is a really fascinating, psychologically accurate, series of observations on different forms of masculinity and the problems these cause both for men and for the women in their lives.
I like your desire to prepare so you can watch it in hope rather than fear. You already have a much safer set up for your son, with the internet restrictions in place and no phone. In Adolescence, one can see the father’s role has also been critical; he has worked hard to be a ‘good dad’ but performative patriarchal masculinity has been toxic for him, too.
I raised three boys. They are all in their thirties now. One sucked misogyny out of internet before I knew what was happening and is estranged from me at the moment (my misogynistic ex also played a role). The other two are proper sons-of-a-feminist who I am close to.
Sounds to me like your son will be fine and you have nothing to fear.
Thanks for all of this Ros. I’ve heard nothing but praise for the series. And I find it interesting what you write about the father role model, I can see how that is becoming more and more important for my own son, & as a result the work fathers need to do to work through their own s**t to be that model.
Sorry to hear of your eldest’s estrangement right now, I hope he comes round. You being you and having your other two boys close will I hope all that in time.
Brutal series.the research is in giving screens to kids younger than. 16 changes their brain it alter the wiring of brain but I bet it also has detrimental effect as on any age
Yes, it changes the wiring of all our brains, but kids are especially vulnerable, their brains so plastic still. But this is the world we are in … how can we navigate the reality (screens exist) versus the ideal (no screens until at least late teens!)
I don’t have children so grain of salt but I do read a lot , read this book anxious generation very clinical lots of studies and references. As an older person I remember the talk about hippies and how they were ruining the world, maybe they did. But the book should be required reading for teenagers, my least fav development era.
Layla, thank you for this post (and all of your content!). I have not watched it, but I imagine I will eventually. I am the mom of a 17-year-old son. It's so difficult to protect them from everything these days. It's like a never-ending fire hose of information coming at us. I despise it! I,also tried very hard to safeguard the internet, but I did eventually find inappropriate content on his computer at 13. I realized that the whole thing (i.e. the internet) is just too big to get around - I had to walk through it. The lines of communication are very open between us -- he knows I am his ally. He also knows that I am not going to tolerate toxic masculinity in any form from him or his friends. I truthfully don't want to look through search histories - I want to trust him and want to respect his privacy. We probably talk way too much in my family -- lol -- and I am sure it drives him crazy! But there are just too many examples in the world not to comment on. (My entire government being convicted or accused of sexual assault, Tate (?!?!?), bro culture....) My husband and I try to set an example of what we want to see. Currently, I am proud of him. He is empathic and kind - he's had a girlfriend for 8 months, and they are very sweet with each other. Thank you for your insight and honesty.
thank you for all of this Jamie and for all you share here, I find it so helpful to read of others a few years ahead. As you say there’s no going around this reality - we must walk through it. My daughter said something really profound to me while we were talking (my son 13), her (10) and me. I was explaining what these influencers were promoting and also that I didn’t think there was much likelyhood they wouldn’t be exposed. And she said ‘yes mama, but there is a difference between seeing something and believing it’. that sort of bowled me over. so true. We can only give them the analytical tools and teach them to have the discernment to judge what they see and then trust they’ll make aligned choices (as well as mistakes, like us all!). Sounds like you’ve a wonderfully open relationship with your son, which is what I aim to have, too. x
Haven’t watched it (yet) for very similar reasons to you. I have two sons, one of whom will turn 13 later this year. I want to feel more prepared/centred in how I want to approach their teenage years before I watch Adolescence, because I think it will probably make me feel deeply scared about the years ahead. From the reviews and pieces I’ve read about the series, it also sounds like there might be an element of sensationalism (in a tv drama? Never…). Is the series partly playing up to and into adult and parental fears of what might be happening to teenage boys in spaces that we don’t fully understand or can’t enter into ourselves? Now it’s the manosphere via the internet and social media, 15-20 years ago it was violent video games. But I should probably watch it first and decide for myself.
This thought has crossed my mind too Ellen - I'm thinking back to other generations and the fears parents had for their children and how media played up those ... That said, this generation has it HARD and the challenges are monumental. From all I've read and heard though , including comments here, Adolescence feels bang on in terms of what is going on for these young men, and in fact for us all ... honestly though, what brings me hope is that we are all here talking and thinking and feeling our way through this ever changing landscape. And turning up for our boys (and girls). That HAS to count for something. I'll report back when I have watched, love to hear any thoughts you have if / when you choose to view as well. Lx
I finished watching it last night, Layla. And it is hands down one of the best things I've ever seen. So much care, so many layers, and zero preaching or lecturing: it feels utterly real.
As you know, I have 3 teen boys myself, all of whom ooze the kind of energy you describe in your son. So I came to Adolescence not from a place of anxiety, because I've long been immersed in these issues, not least because of the Smartphone Free Childhood campaign that started in Greystones a year ago, and more from a feminist angle. And I find it an exceptionally accurate snapshot of where we are as a society in terms of male-female relations and male violence against women. It's grim to realise how deep the roots go and how oblivious we are to them because that's the only water we've ever swum in. But at least Adolescence is putting a spotlight on all of this, to make us see the "water", as it were. It is one of those shows that spark social change. Not a moment too soon.
thanks for these article shares Annette, off to read now....
I totally agree that the spotlight needs to be put on all of this, and if it sparks social change, all the better. I really hope it does. And I will watch it - I'm gathering courage from all the comments on this post from wise women like yourself !
I think what I'm working through (even as I type this!!) is how we provide models of masculinity for our boys to move towards rather than just warning of what is toxic and wrong... while also not being naïve or blind to what is going on...
As Ros pointed out above, I do feel fathers, or male role models, are so so important here.
I totally agree with you and Ros that men need to do better – this is the biggest takeaway for me. Our boys, and all of us, deserve better than always living in the shadow of male violence, physical and otherwise.
Lovely to see you’ve lots of safeguards in place re screen time etc . Can’t believe he’s now 13 . How did that happen . I don’t enjoy both of you with so much SM etc about and I certainly understand why you wouldn’t want to watch ‘Adolescence’ atm anyway .
Now get cracking with the wheelbarrow 🤣🤣🌹🌼💚🇺🇦🇨🇦💙🇪🇺🏳️🌈. Derek
A very powerful / heart breaking portrayal of What is and has been going on way before the internet - which doesn’t help at all - it’s about boys bullying immaturity and little communication - mental health with no mental health - I saw both my teen son and friends kids - it’s weird the percentage of big to girl ratio is insane. It was painful but I respected the actors so much - the series should win an Oscar - that good -
Haven't watched it yet myself, Layla. Probably for very similar reasons to yourself. I have three teenage sons and they sound like your boy. I just try to love them and to be by their sides. To cheerlead and tell them all the good I see in them. I might watch it. I might not. Haven't decided yet. It's no joke raising kids in these times, but I want to trust my children to make wise decisions for themselves too.
Yes Kelly, I so agree about raising them well and cheerleading them and then ultimately having to trust them, not cosset them and control them, whilst also appropriately protecting them. A tightrope we are walking g, but it does just keep coming back to loving them loving them making ourselves available, offering our presence. @cloverstroud’s recent piece on this was just so helpful too
oh Layla, thank you so much for sharing this piece. I have just finished reading Intermezzo and was blown away by Rooney’s ability to write such complex male characters (sobbed like a baby at the end). I also haven’t been able to gear myself to watch Adolescence yet, but I also plan to at some point! I feel the same, slightly frozen in fear, when there’s so much we cannot control (which school our kids end up at, the friendship group they will have, whether they will be bullied or not and so on). But comforted by the idea as Annie shared above of calming the fear a little and engaging with the child in front of us, and trusting that what we have done is enough.
I was very moved by you sharing your dreams. “The quiet power this form of masculine energy held. The majesty of it in my son. And the support I felt from it.” I am fascinated by the healthy masculine and feminine within each of us, how they’re expressed and how we all need both to build a whole. It’s heartbreaking there is such a cost to boys and men showing vulnerability.
A beautiful, thoughtful piece ❤️ I haven't watched the series yet, and feel some trepidation as I know it will break my heart.... I think you're right though, we need a balanced perspective - what to move towards as well as what to move away from. Thank you.
I love this piece. I watched it alone, my husband hasn’t yet. My boys are younger so it didn’t feel so close to home but made me think about social media/screen-use as they get older. I think your approach - to be with your son, connecting, before watching - is really beautiful. Turn away from the hype and towards the child x
‘Turn away from the hype and towards the child’ …
I read your comment belting through an airport and I stopped in my tracks and took a breath, noticed a prick of tears. THIS is it! X 💙
I watched it after my 16 year old had watched it on his own. He was really moved by it, and I was horrified!! We then sat and had multiple long talks about misogyny and what he sees on the web, and how he understood various aspects of the programme. My son has always had female friends and has a sister and so he has a healthy relationship with girls. There are boys at his school who are a bit more confused and immature about girls, but they’re generally not his friends. When my daughter watched it - she’s 18 - she was angry. She said because she knows boys who are misogynistic, which upsets me. But I am glad that I have helped nurture critical thinking in my kids, and I think that’s the best education we can give them in this day and age. It sounds like you are doing all the right things with your son. I do regularly say to my kids, ‘the internet is not your friend’ which kind of encapsulates it for me.
thanks for all of this Lily - I think the relationship with sisters and friends who are girls is so valuable (seeing them as real people, not an enermy), as is a nurturing of critical thinking like you say. what I'm hearing from so many is that watching the series is opening up conversations that mightn't have been had otherwise, and that can only be a good thing. I know of girls around your daughter's age who have expressed the same re some boys she knows, which is so upsetting, but I guess we just need to keep talking with our kids and hope we give them enough to navigate through - as my ten year old daughter said to me about seeing this stuff online (she hasn't yet, I was just talking to her and her brother re) - 'yes mama but there's a difference between seeing something and believing it' and that's what I'm hoping for, nurturing that discernment.
What a thoughtful response to this most talked about TV series. You've put your finger on a key point - the fear that parents are responding to the programme, the panic almost. I hear some responding wisely, not to panic, to use this as a place to start conversations, to become educated, and I fully agree. I watched it out of intrigue after hearing how it was made, and also out of a place of a growing and real concern for boys (and men) who are struggling with shame and knowing their place in response to what they perceive as unfair negative labelling of them (along the lines of what Caitlin Moran says in her book which I love btw). My son (who is now 18 and one of those types of boys you refer to in those books) would complain that the assemblies in his all boys school seemed to be constantly telling them how bad they were (that was his interpretation aged 15-16).
From the sounds of it, you are doing all the right things, particularly if you give him space to talk to you or your husband if and when he needs to. The big thing that is coming out of this here is the importance of parents being available for their sons when they need them (and not being on OUR phones so much) and of finding a group they can belong to, a safe group that is IRL e.g. sports teams or youth groups. The demise of youth groups in the UK is a real issue here and one that successive governments won't listen to all the calls for funding for.
My son wasn't a talker (few are) but my husband would make time once a month to take him for a dog walk and to ask questions to check in on him (things like his exposure to porn). It would be a safe space, away from home, without having to have eye contact. So important.
Lastly have you watched Gareth Southgate's lecture on BBC iplayer? That is really worth watching.
Thank you for reminding people to respond out of love, not fear. And to hold onto that. So important.
I love how you talk of your son walking with his dad every month - my husband has started doing similar with my son, and it is so so important to have these safe, pressure free spaces to both talk and also to witness other forms of masculinity and communication. You're so right about the lack of IRL opportunities as being a big part of things - I'm sad to hear of the demise of youth groups in UK. GAA (sport) communities here play a big role for young men (my son isn't in to it) which is good, he goes to a youth group which is proving invaluable as he grows more into teenage years.
I do feel it all comes back to love - showing them they are valued and have an important place. Because they so so do.
(loved Caitlin Moran's book, and Gareth Southgate's lecture was incredible, yes. these are the glimmers.)
That is so good that your husband is doing that. It requires intentionality doesn’t it, or it can simply not happen.
And yes it absolutely does boil down to love but for many men they don’t know how to show that, as in the case of the dad played by Stephen Graham, who also wasn’t around in the evenings and had his own baggage that he didn’t know how to process.
Football and rugby clubs are big here but there are v few youth groups. It’s boys who come from dysfunctional homes who aren’t into football (or can’t afford the kit) that need those the most….
Oh Layla there is such profound wisdom in this post! Thank you so much for articulating all of this here. I watched the series a couple of weeks back and it definitely sparked with my anxiety at the time. Part of this was cyclical - I hope to become a bit more mindful of what I choose to watch/engage with during my premenstrual phase. It took me into a weird true crime spiral with my Netflix viewing - a kind of a morbid fascination with what absolutely unfathomable things go on in our world. This led - or contributed - to some pretty sleepless nights! I think you have done really well to wait to watch the show, and to choose to reflect on and process everything that the idea of it was bringing up for you and your sense of the masculine 💜
Another thought - you may have read that each episode is one single camera shot. There is something intentionally intense about this. It makes it relentless - like real life, it doesn't stop. It also meant for me that as an episode would go on I'd realise that probably I wasn't going to see what I wanted to see, or get certain resolutions that I hoped for. And I found this fascinating, and very challenging at times!!
that's such an interesting observation about not getting to see all you want to see and the lack of resolution.... I am really interested to see how they made the series, outside of the content, but also how one informs the other so powerfully by all accounts. I've gained such calm and learnt soo much from reading the comments on this post, I feel I'm going to be going in to viewing when I do from a very different place. I hope you're sleep has returned, there's nothing worse that those wild sleepless nights. x
Awh I'm so glad to hear that Layla - such a good example of taking a beat, and reaching out to our support systems and community before engaging with something that has potential to shake us 💜 And thank you, yes the sleep is somewhat back to normal (whatever normal is with a two and a half year old!! 😆) xx
I watched it. One of the best dramas I have ever seen. Largely because it wasn’t “dramatised”. It felt so utterly real. It is a really fascinating, psychologically accurate, series of observations on different forms of masculinity and the problems these cause both for men and for the women in their lives.
I like your desire to prepare so you can watch it in hope rather than fear. You already have a much safer set up for your son, with the internet restrictions in place and no phone. In Adolescence, one can see the father’s role has also been critical; he has worked hard to be a ‘good dad’ but performative patriarchal masculinity has been toxic for him, too.
I raised three boys. They are all in their thirties now. One sucked misogyny out of internet before I knew what was happening and is estranged from me at the moment (my misogynistic ex also played a role). The other two are proper sons-of-a-feminist who I am close to.
Sounds to me like your son will be fine and you have nothing to fear.
Thanks for all of this Ros. I’ve heard nothing but praise for the series. And I find it interesting what you write about the father role model, I can see how that is becoming more and more important for my own son, & as a result the work fathers need to do to work through their own s**t to be that model.
Sorry to hear of your eldest’s estrangement right now, I hope he comes round. You being you and having your other two boys close will I hope all that in time.
Feeling more prepared to watch already. L x
Brutal series.the research is in giving screens to kids younger than. 16 changes their brain it alter the wiring of brain but I bet it also has detrimental effect as on any age
Yes, it changes the wiring of all our brains, but kids are especially vulnerable, their brains so plastic still. But this is the world we are in … how can we navigate the reality (screens exist) versus the ideal (no screens until at least late teens!)
I don’t have children so grain of salt but I do read a lot , read this book anxious generation very clinical lots of studies and references. As an older person I remember the talk about hippies and how they were ruining the world, maybe they did. But the book should be required reading for teenagers, my least fav development era.
Layla, thank you for this post (and all of your content!). I have not watched it, but I imagine I will eventually. I am the mom of a 17-year-old son. It's so difficult to protect them from everything these days. It's like a never-ending fire hose of information coming at us. I despise it! I,also tried very hard to safeguard the internet, but I did eventually find inappropriate content on his computer at 13. I realized that the whole thing (i.e. the internet) is just too big to get around - I had to walk through it. The lines of communication are very open between us -- he knows I am his ally. He also knows that I am not going to tolerate toxic masculinity in any form from him or his friends. I truthfully don't want to look through search histories - I want to trust him and want to respect his privacy. We probably talk way too much in my family -- lol -- and I am sure it drives him crazy! But there are just too many examples in the world not to comment on. (My entire government being convicted or accused of sexual assault, Tate (?!?!?), bro culture....) My husband and I try to set an example of what we want to see. Currently, I am proud of him. He is empathic and kind - he's had a girlfriend for 8 months, and they are very sweet with each other. Thank you for your insight and honesty.
thank you for all of this Jamie and for all you share here, I find it so helpful to read of others a few years ahead. As you say there’s no going around this reality - we must walk through it. My daughter said something really profound to me while we were talking (my son 13), her (10) and me. I was explaining what these influencers were promoting and also that I didn’t think there was much likelyhood they wouldn’t be exposed. And she said ‘yes mama, but there is a difference between seeing something and believing it’. that sort of bowled me over. so true. We can only give them the analytical tools and teach them to have the discernment to judge what they see and then trust they’ll make aligned choices (as well as mistakes, like us all!). Sounds like you’ve a wonderfully open relationship with your son, which is what I aim to have, too. x
Haven’t watched it (yet) for very similar reasons to you. I have two sons, one of whom will turn 13 later this year. I want to feel more prepared/centred in how I want to approach their teenage years before I watch Adolescence, because I think it will probably make me feel deeply scared about the years ahead. From the reviews and pieces I’ve read about the series, it also sounds like there might be an element of sensationalism (in a tv drama? Never…). Is the series partly playing up to and into adult and parental fears of what might be happening to teenage boys in spaces that we don’t fully understand or can’t enter into ourselves? Now it’s the manosphere via the internet and social media, 15-20 years ago it was violent video games. But I should probably watch it first and decide for myself.
This thought has crossed my mind too Ellen - I'm thinking back to other generations and the fears parents had for their children and how media played up those ... That said, this generation has it HARD and the challenges are monumental. From all I've read and heard though , including comments here, Adolescence feels bang on in terms of what is going on for these young men, and in fact for us all ... honestly though, what brings me hope is that we are all here talking and thinking and feeling our way through this ever changing landscape. And turning up for our boys (and girls). That HAS to count for something. I'll report back when I have watched, love to hear any thoughts you have if / when you choose to view as well. Lx
I finished watching it last night, Layla. And it is hands down one of the best things I've ever seen. So much care, so many layers, and zero preaching or lecturing: it feels utterly real.
As you know, I have 3 teen boys myself, all of whom ooze the kind of energy you describe in your son. So I came to Adolescence not from a place of anxiety, because I've long been immersed in these issues, not least because of the Smartphone Free Childhood campaign that started in Greystones a year ago, and more from a feminist angle. And I find it an exceptionally accurate snapshot of where we are as a society in terms of male-female relations and male violence against women. It's grim to realise how deep the roots go and how oblivious we are to them because that's the only water we've ever swum in. But at least Adolescence is putting a spotlight on all of this, to make us see the "water", as it were. It is one of those shows that spark social change. Not a moment too soon.
PS. I have also read countless pieces about it, and the best two by far are by Sarah Wilson (https://sarahwilson.substack.com/p/my-thoughts-on-adolescence - read also the comments) and Soraya Chemaly (https://sorayachemaly.substack.com/p/5-netflixs-adolescence-is-a-good).
thanks for these article shares Annette, off to read now....
I totally agree that the spotlight needs to be put on all of this, and if it sparks social change, all the better. I really hope it does. And I will watch it - I'm gathering courage from all the comments on this post from wise women like yourself !
I think what I'm working through (even as I type this!!) is how we provide models of masculinity for our boys to move towards rather than just warning of what is toxic and wrong... while also not being naïve or blind to what is going on...
As Ros pointed out above, I do feel fathers, or male role models, are so so important here.
I totally agree with you and Ros that men need to do better – this is the biggest takeaway for me. Our boys, and all of us, deserve better than always living in the shadow of male violence, physical and otherwise.
Envy not enjoy 🙈
Lovely to see you’ve lots of safeguards in place re screen time etc . Can’t believe he’s now 13 . How did that happen . I don’t enjoy both of you with so much SM etc about and I certainly understand why you wouldn’t want to watch ‘Adolescence’ atm anyway .
Now get cracking with the wheelbarrow 🤣🤣🌹🌼💚🇺🇦🇨🇦💙🇪🇺🏳️🌈. Derek
Thanks Derek 💙 wheelbarrow has been on the go plenty of late!
A very powerful / heart breaking portrayal of What is and has been going on way before the internet - which doesn’t help at all - it’s about boys bullying immaturity and little communication - mental health with no mental health - I saw both my teen son and friends kids - it’s weird the percentage of big to girl ratio is insane. It was painful but I respected the actors so much - the series should win an Oscar - that good -