Ahh Layla, you’ve added more books to my also dangerously out of control TBR list! I’m currently reading Clover’s The Red of my Blood; her vulnerability and unflinching descriptions of fresh grief are painful for their relatability but also moving beyond the page.
my TBR list is, frankly, unsurmountable unless I stop doing much of anything else for a year or two! I'd love to read more of Clover's books, I really admire how honest and vulnerable and truthful she is in her work.
As for the Body…I really need to think about it very deeply. Maybe we could think about some guiding questions? Is it our bodies or how the presence of our bodies in a community speaks that scares?
You are right! Maybe it’s time to admit to ourselves that we doubt around questions, as an “excuse” ti the fact that are statements. So I offer my opinion: the presence of our bodies in a community, it’s an issue, a scaring one sometimes, when we stand on our ideals, work, fight for them. And not only for men. In my personal experience, women who think they hold the power to the point to overwhelm others, fear us. And with fear sometimes comes anger. Ok. I know it’s bit strong, but I had to share it. Hugs.
I’m reading your post and then reading the posts you suggest and the related posts suggested. Then meditate a bit in the dark. I wonder how you can read so much…I’m in a time in which Substack is a continuous discovery 💡. What surprises me is that the souls I follow are somehow different but interconnected. My e-reader is full of abstract and I love watching the covers of my books. I pick something here and there. I’m sort of playing. As long as this fills my heart is perfect. It’s Imbolc still! Hugs and enjoy Disneyland 🙂
Ooof this is firing so many ideas and questions, Layla! But first, your daughter on stage in Disneyland, what?! It sounds amazing! I also read Threatening Women earlier this year, and even though it is about Ireland's history and 'architecture of containment', it made me wonder how much the idea of cultural tightness applies to France, and whether any culture can be truly free of it - after all, all cultures have experienced threat and trauma (cultural tightness is a threat response), and the containment and oppression of women is something we see the world over, to various degrees. (I see you, patriarchy!). And so, in response to this millenia-long erasure of women, and to begin answering your question about why we write, I think we write to say, I am here.
France has been included in some of the studies of Cultural Tightness-Looseness. In the one I link below, it scores about a 6 (with 11 being 'Tightest'), but it is based on a student sample of only 111 people, so really only a general indicator and I wouldn't take that as definitive at all, but shows that France certainly isn't on the 'loose' end of the spectrum!
Thank you so much for sharing that study, Belinda! I've thought about all this some more since writing the comment above, and I now wonder to what extent cultural tightness caused me to move away from home, as my choices felt so limited there... Out of curiosity, do you know of any cultures/countries that show up on the 'loose' end of the spectrum?
This is really interesting Annette! I think I also, unconsciously, left Ireland because pf the tightness, or rather noticed a sort of relaxing of tension in my body after a few years of living away. Although, being a cultural 'outsider' in another country does give a bit more leeway to just be yourself as you don't know the cultural norms of the country you emigrate to.
Of countries that have been studied, New Zealand, Greece, Brazil, Hungary, Estonia, and The Netherlands score at the looser end of the scale. Interestingly, Ukraine scored among the 'loosest' in the world in one study but given what has happened there since that study has been done I imagine that has changed dramatically! There can also be massive variation between regions within a country too. In thy US for example, the southern states score much Tighter than the North or the Eastern States, and with France being such a regionally diverse country I imagine that might be the case there too?
This: 'being a cultural outsider in another country does give a bit more leeway to be yourself' is what I mean when I say I enjoy being a foreigner. You find other ways of being yourself outside the norms and expectations of home. Looking at the study you shared, I was really surprised to see several eastern European countries at the 'loose' end of the scale. As for France, yes, there must be some stark regional variations, also between urban centres and rural areas, all the way down to communities and families. I can think of a couple of reasons why my family might be tighter than others.
Fascinating conversation between you both here! I certainly felt I needed to escape a sense of ‘tightness’ in Ireland when I moved away… but after 8 years started to feel that tightness massively in Germany too.. be g back in Ireland now, with the distance those years allowed, I feel I can step in and out of things culturally, have a little more perspective than I did before living abroad
Thank you so much for including my wee book in this list Layla. I love to think of you underlining it and to know which parts really struck a chord!
Ahh Layla, you’ve added more books to my also dangerously out of control TBR list! I’m currently reading Clover’s The Red of my Blood; her vulnerability and unflinching descriptions of fresh grief are painful for their relatability but also moving beyond the page.
my TBR list is, frankly, unsurmountable unless I stop doing much of anything else for a year or two! I'd love to read more of Clover's books, I really admire how honest and vulnerable and truthful she is in her work.
As for the Body…I really need to think about it very deeply. Maybe we could think about some guiding questions? Is it our bodies or how the presence of our bodies in a community speaks that scares?
Yes, to guiding questions, always questions … 💙
You are right! Maybe it’s time to admit to ourselves that we doubt around questions, as an “excuse” ti the fact that are statements. So I offer my opinion: the presence of our bodies in a community, it’s an issue, a scaring one sometimes, when we stand on our ideals, work, fight for them. And not only for men. In my personal experience, women who think they hold the power to the point to overwhelm others, fear us. And with fear sometimes comes anger. Ok. I know it’s bit strong, but I had to share it. Hugs.
I’m reading your post and then reading the posts you suggest and the related posts suggested. Then meditate a bit in the dark. I wonder how you can read so much…I’m in a time in which Substack is a continuous discovery 💡. What surprises me is that the souls I follow are somehow different but interconnected. My e-reader is full of abstract and I love watching the covers of my books. I pick something here and there. I’m sort of playing. As long as this fills my heart is perfect. It’s Imbolc still! Hugs and enjoy Disneyland 🙂
I love this gathering - how so much is connected in ways that seem magical and indirect and very sensible all at once!
Ooof this is firing so many ideas and questions, Layla! But first, your daughter on stage in Disneyland, what?! It sounds amazing! I also read Threatening Women earlier this year, and even though it is about Ireland's history and 'architecture of containment', it made me wonder how much the idea of cultural tightness applies to France, and whether any culture can be truly free of it - after all, all cultures have experienced threat and trauma (cultural tightness is a threat response), and the containment and oppression of women is something we see the world over, to various degrees. (I see you, patriarchy!). And so, in response to this millenia-long erasure of women, and to begin answering your question about why we write, I think we write to say, I am here.
France has been included in some of the studies of Cultural Tightness-Looseness. In the one I link below, it scores about a 6 (with 11 being 'Tightest'), but it is based on a student sample of only 111 people, so really only a general indicator and I wouldn't take that as definitive at all, but shows that France certainly isn't on the 'loose' end of the spectrum!
https://www.researchgate.net/publication/51169484_Differences_Between_Tight_and_Loose_Cultures_A_33-Nation_Study
Thank you so much for sharing that study, Belinda! I've thought about all this some more since writing the comment above, and I now wonder to what extent cultural tightness caused me to move away from home, as my choices felt so limited there... Out of curiosity, do you know of any cultures/countries that show up on the 'loose' end of the spectrum?
This is really interesting Annette! I think I also, unconsciously, left Ireland because pf the tightness, or rather noticed a sort of relaxing of tension in my body after a few years of living away. Although, being a cultural 'outsider' in another country does give a bit more leeway to just be yourself as you don't know the cultural norms of the country you emigrate to.
Of countries that have been studied, New Zealand, Greece, Brazil, Hungary, Estonia, and The Netherlands score at the looser end of the scale. Interestingly, Ukraine scored among the 'loosest' in the world in one study but given what has happened there since that study has been done I imagine that has changed dramatically! There can also be massive variation between regions within a country too. In thy US for example, the southern states score much Tighter than the North or the Eastern States, and with France being such a regionally diverse country I imagine that might be the case there too?
This: 'being a cultural outsider in another country does give a bit more leeway to be yourself' is what I mean when I say I enjoy being a foreigner. You find other ways of being yourself outside the norms and expectations of home. Looking at the study you shared, I was really surprised to see several eastern European countries at the 'loose' end of the scale. As for France, yes, there must be some stark regional variations, also between urban centres and rural areas, all the way down to communities and families. I can think of a couple of reasons why my family might be tighter than others.
Fascinating conversation between you both here! I certainly felt I needed to escape a sense of ‘tightness’ in Ireland when I moved away… but after 8 years started to feel that tightness massively in Germany too.. be g back in Ireland now, with the distance those years allowed, I feel I can step in and out of things culturally, have a little more perspective than I did before living abroad